Friends Appreciation Thread 39: Fine! Judge all you want, but: married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay ice dancer....

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Rachel: But do you think that maybe, on some level, you don't want to take off my bra?
Joey: No, I don't have another level.

Rachel: Are you saying that women can't do it?
Joey: Women can do it; you can't.
Rachel: Monica, will you please tell Joey that he's a pig?
Monica: [to Joey] You're a pig. [to Rachel] You can't do it.
Rachel: Well, I found the hardware store by myself!
Joey: The hardware store's just down the street.
Rachel: [pause] There's a hardware store down the street?

Rachel: Is the window open? Because if the window's open, a bird could fly in there and...
Ross: Oh my God, you know what, I think you're right! I think, you know what, listen, listen... a pigeon... no, no, wait, an eagle flew in, landed on the stove, and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid! The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression, and grabs the baby in it's talon! Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water! Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death-grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment!
Rachel: Boy are you gonna be sorry if that's true..

Rachel: Oh no! What if she jumps out of the crib!
Ross: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jumped.
Rachel: Oh my God! I left the water running!
Ross: Rachel, relax. You did not leave the faucet running.
Rachel: Did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996!

Ross: You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.
Rachel: Well, in high school, that added up to head cheerleader.

Rachel: Come on, Rosita. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Us chicas gotta stick together.
[She attempts to move "Rosita" and ends up breaking the back off.]
Rachel: You bitch.

Joey: The question, Rachel, is this: does he like you? Otherwise, it's just a moo point.
Rachel: A moo point?
Joey: You know, like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter. It's moo.
Rachel: Have I been living with him too long, or did all that just make sense?

Rachel: It seemed my prom date had stood me up, so, selflessly, Ross offered to take me.
Elizabeth: What a sweet story!
Paul: So, Ross, you were in college, and you jumped at the opportunity to take a young girl to her high school prom?
Rachel: Wow! Did not see that one backfiring.

Ross: I studied ka-ra-tae for a long time and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.
Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?
Ross: No, it's a concep—
Phoebe: Yeah, it is, it is. It's fresh water eel.
Ross: Okay, maybe it means that too.
Rachel: Oh, I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.

Rachel: You guys! You guys!
Monica: We were, we were just in the storage area and we saw this really creepy man!
Rachel: It was like this crazy-eyed, hairy beast man! He was like a, like a bigfoot or a yeti or something!
Monica: And he came at us with an axe, so Rachel had to use a bug bomb on him!

Phoebe: You guys, you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldn't be living in an apartment.
Rachel: Yeah! Especially not with all these knives and cookbooks around…

Chandler: [after a resident has come on to Monica] Is there anyone in this building who hasn't tried to hit on you?
Monica: Well, there's Smokes-a-lot-Lady.
Monica: Wait a minute, that is not true.

Monica: I'm dating a guy whose pool I once peed in.
Richard: I didn't need to know that.

Monica: Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?

[Monica and Richard are about to tell Monica's parents about their relationship]
Monica: Can't we tell your parents first?
Richard: They're both dead.
Monica: Oh, you are *so* lucky.

Chandler: [Monica thinks their maid stole her pants and bra] Monica, come on do you really think that she would steal from us, then come back and wear it right in front of you?
Monica: Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime!
Chandler: [acting as outraged as her] She must have been planning this for years!

Monica: I'll never have a first kiss again.
Phoebe: You'll have a last kiss.

Chandler: We're getting a house.
Monica: We're getting a baby.
Chandler: We're growing up.
Monica: We sure are.
Chandler: So who's going to tell them?
Monica: Not it.
Chandler: Not it. Damn it!

Joey: Ok, Phoebe. This is for the kids, later on. You got something you want to say?
Phoebe: Hi, kids. I can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me.

Frank Buffay Jr.: What's with him?
Phoebe: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder.

Phoebe: Will, just take off your shirt and tell us.

Chandler: It's been a while since we've yelled something... Maybe we should... No.
Phoebe: What? No. Damn you ref. Burn in hell.

Ross: I'm back in the club!
Will: Yeah. Shall I call a meeting to order?
Ross: Is everybody present?
Will: With the exception if Tiktaka.
Phoebe: I want to join!
Rachel: Phoebe?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, but I never got to be in a club. I didn't go to high school. But three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour.

Joey Tribbiani: Anybody want a cruller?
Phoebe Buffay: You see? This is a typical Lightning Bearer thing. It's like "Hello, who wants one of my falic shaped man cakes?"

Phoebe: I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.

Phoebe: Me, I'm more free. You know, I run like I did when I was a kid because that's the only way it's fun. You know? I'm mean, didn't you even run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off, you know, like when you were running towards the swings or running away from Satin?
[Rachel looks confused]
Phoebe: The neighbor's dog.

Phoebe Buffay: Come, dinosour, we're not welcome at the house of no imagination.


Gene: You put this in your coffee.
Joey: A spoon! Your hands! Your face!
Gene: It's white.
Joey: Paper! Snow! A ghost!
Gene: It's heavier than milk.
Joey: A rock! A dog! The earth!
Gene: Pass!

Joey: In my spare time, I, uh, read to the blind. And I'm also a mento for kids.
Interviewer: A "mento"?
Joey: You know, a mento. A role model.
Interviewer: A men…to.
Joey: Right.
Interviewer: Like the candy?
Joey: As a matter of fact, I do.

Joey: Fine, all right, I'll do it. But, hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say someting stupid!
Ross: Just then, or-or all the time, 'cause… we have jobs, you know.

Joey: 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani, and this is what we do! I mean, we may be not great thinkers, or world leaders, don't read a lot, or run very fast... but damn it, we can eat!

Monica: Also, just so you know, I'm not making a turkey this year.
Joey: What?
Monica: Well, Phoebe doesn't eat turkey...
Joey: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals.
Joey: No, they're not! They're ugly and stupid and delicious!

Monica: [Reading her bill] Champagne, strawberries... Oh my god! I can’t believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!
Joey: Yeah, that’s sad. Mashuga nut?

Rachel: Listen, y’know what, sir? For the last time, I don’t care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
Joey: [arriving] Hey!
Phoebe: Oh! Joey, were you in our room last night?
Joey: No. [Phoebe gives the bill to Joey. Joey turns to the concierge.] I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!

Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
Chandler Bing

So, in the words of A.A.Milne 'Get out of my chair, Dillhole!
Chandler Bing

It seems like every time he we talk he wants to say my name, so that when he gets to my last name he can exaggerate the bing. BING!
Chandler Bing

was that place, the sun?' (commenting on where Ross got his overly tanned tan from)
Chandler Bing

Stop staring at my wife's, no, stop staring at your sisters legs!
Chandler Bing

Good night, you big freak-of-nature!
Chandler Bing

...Of course, there is an apartment on top where Joey could grow old.
Chandler Bing

(When Rachel asks him for advice)I'm not really good at giving advices. Do you want a sarcastic comment?
Chandler Bing

(To Joey when he raises the idea of hitting a woman whom they thought was a stalker with a frying pan) Yes, hitting her with a frying pan is a good idea. We might want to have a back-up plan though, just in case she isn't a cartoon!
Chandler Bing

(Joey says something senseless and asks 'Know what I mean?') Do you?
Chandler Bing

(Chandler talking about how he hates taking bath) You just sit there stewing in you own filth.
Chandler Bing

(To Monica) I don't wanna take a bath. Can't you draw a picture of us having sex on the balcony instead?
Chandler Bing

Look at all the space on her side of the bed. You could fit a giant penguin over there. That'd be weird though
Chandler Bing

Rock ... Hard Place ... Me
Chandler Bing

All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for
Chandler Bing

Holy double-vented comfort batman
Chandler Bing

Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen.
Chandler Bing

Chandler: [reading the paper] Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night.
Chandler Bing

Kathy to Chandler: Wow, you have really gorgous hair.
Chandler: Thanks, I grow it myself.
Chandler Bing

(People not listening to Chandler talking) Shall I use my invisibility to fight crime or for evil...
Chandler Bing

Monica: Ross, why are you all hot and sweaty?
Ross: I just bamboozled Chandler!
[Monica looks confused.]
Ross: Which isn't a sexual thing...

Mona: No, I mean it. There are so few genuinely nice guys out there.
Joey: Tell me about it, I feel like I’m holding down the fort all by myself.
Mona: It’s Joey right?
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: ...Wait a minute! N-No! I’m the nice one! I’m the one who danced with the kids all night! How..How small are your feet?! [

Ross: And I'll always remember that summer, because that's when I realized that we are related.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out?
Ross: I'm a little slow. [under his breath] Just as our children would be.

Ross: Alright, a joke, lighten the mood. Two guys walk into a bar, and one of them is Irish.
Paul: I'm Irish.
Ross (hesitantly): ...And the Irish guy wins the joke.

Rachel: I brought reinforcements.
Ross: You brought Joey?
Rachel: Um.. no, but I brought the next best thing.
[Chandler walks in.]
Chandler': Hey.
Ross: Chandler? You brought Chandler? The next best thing would have been Monica!
Chandler: Normally, I'd be offended, but she is freakishly strong.

Ross: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, no divorces in '99!
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99!

Friends Netflix Promo

Netflix Promo Lyrics:

It all started
At Central Perk
When a runaway bride stormed
Into the place where she would work

And she would move
In with her high school friend
She was fat and her brother
Still has a crush from way back when...

Across the hall
Guys who are a bit crazed
Causing havoc all day
Plus this blonde, on her guitar she plays

Babies, weddings, roller skates
To hooking up with their roommates
Falling down an elevator
Or dressed up like a "potater"

PHD, chef, in showbiz
But no one knows what his job is
Fashion sales, masseuse, so soothing
Her twin's in a porno movie

Monkey, chick, duck
Get hit with a hockey puck

Smelly cat, bad hair flashback
VD, white teeth, and tasty snacks
Messing up Thanksgiving dinner
She won't stop 'til she's the winner

Tight pants, turkey dance
Mermaids, football, and bromance

Fun with these six
Watch it right now on Netflix

Future titles:

Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you!

It'll be like the Pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.

Friends Appreciation Thread 39: Fine! Judge all you want, but: married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay ice dancer....
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